You and your spouse have separated or the divorce has been finalized. Just because there are now two households doesn't mean that your child should experience two separate and inconsistent lives. You and your ex-spouse (or soon-to-be) may be polar opposites but that doesn't mean that your child cannot experience consistency.
Children do better when there is predictability to their routine. In a best-case scenario, there is inter-home consistency and coordination regarding schedules, expectations, and rules. If uniformity is not a realistic possibility, make sure at a minimum that each separate home is consistent within itself.
Areas to create routine, ritual and consistency include:
1. Bedtime
2. Mealtime
3. Medication time
4. Bathtime
5. TV and internet rules
6. Homework rules
7. Methods of discipline
Many times parents express a hesitancy to enforce rules because they feel guilty about the effects of the divorce on their child. However, consistency helps a child understand that things will remain the same despite the parents no longer being in one household. However, always be on the lookout for the signs and symptoms that signal a child needs help dealing with the divorce and seek help if needed.
This blog is provided for general purposes only. You are cautioned not to attempt to solve your individual legal problems upon the basis of the information contained herein because slight changes in factual situations and laws may require a material variance in the applicable advice.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
How to Talk to Your Child About Divorce
I recently discovered a good article that addresses speaking to your child (or children) about divorce. Please click here for the article on talking to child about this subject.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Money Doesn't Equate to Happiness
Many states have enacted post-secondary education provisions requiring divorced parents to pay for a portion of their children's post-high school education so long as certain conditions are met. While many parents want their children to pursue degrees that result in high starting salaries (MSN just reported that chemical, electrical and computer engineers are ranked first in starting salaries for a 4-year degree program), children and parents have to realize that starting salaries don't tell the whole story.
Career satisfaction is key. If your child likes what s/he spends the day doing, they are more likely to succeed and advance at their jobs. This could lead to faster advancement in their career even if starting salary is low. Conversely, if they pursue a major and a career track solely for the money, they may be headed for trouble.
While both parents should have some involvement in their child's post-secondary education degree choices, they should also realize that focusing only on "big money" may, in the end be counter productive. Besides, most successful people often do not work in the field they studied.
Career satisfaction is key. If your child likes what s/he spends the day doing, they are more likely to succeed and advance at their jobs. This could lead to faster advancement in their career even if starting salary is low. Conversely, if they pursue a major and a career track solely for the money, they may be headed for trouble.
While both parents should have some involvement in their child's post-secondary education degree choices, they should also realize that focusing only on "big money" may, in the end be counter productive. Besides, most successful people often do not work in the field they studied.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
How to Choose the Best Lawyer for You
If you are like most, before purchasing a home you probably followed these traditions: spoke to your realtor or others regarding the home's neighborhood, checked out the district's school system, looked at other homes as a comparison, and compared prices of other homes to make sure you are getting the best possible deal. When you go through a divorce or any family law situation it is equally important to surround yourself with individuals who offer the services you need.
Some of the most common ways to get the name of a family law attorney is to speak to your friends, therapist/counselor, and clergy. Another common way is through another attorney. If you already have a business lawyer or a lawyer who drew up your Will, you may want to ask his/her for a recommendation. Your local bar association might also have names of attorneys who do family law work. Some lawyers are certified in specific areas or are members of a particular Bar Association's practice area (for example, "Family Law"). Take advantage of lawyers who provide a consultation at a low fee or for free and you might find one that meets your criteria.
When you meet with the attorney you should be told briefly how the laws in your state work and what that will mean for your own case. Can the attorney tell you if your court system is backlogged or whether there are specific judges assigned to handle family law matters? If so, this might give you insight to how quickly your case will be decided. A lawyer who knows the judges and their individual biases and personalities may also give you some insight to get ahead of the game. For example, some judges may have a bias against spouses who have extramarital affairs and may perceive the other spouse as a victim automatically awarding him/her custody or more property. A savvy attorney who has been around may be able to maneuver around issues more than someone new to the field or area.
During the first consultation, the lawyer should explain his/her fees. Does she require a retainer (a common practice) or does he bill monthly? Whatever the arrangement, determine the details now and make sure they are included in the fee agreement.
Look at legal styles. There are many different legal styles as there are attorneys. Some attorneys are tough and aggressive and give you an immediate feeling of confidence or dislike, depending on your perspective. Others seem too nice or soft-spoken. You need to choose a legal style that makes you comfortable and empowered and is on your wavelength.
After you have decided who will represent you, a reputable lawyer will send you his or his written fee agreement and give you time to ask questions and sign it. If a lawyer demands that you retain him/her without giving you a chance to think it over, look for another lawyer.
The upshot is you should retain counsel that shares your goals and will work well with your personality.
This blog is provided for general purposes only. You are cautioned not to attempt to solve your individual legal problems upon the basis of the information contained herein because slight changes in factual situations and laws may require a material variance in the applicable advice.
Some of the most common ways to get the name of a family law attorney is to speak to your friends, therapist/counselor, and clergy. Another common way is through another attorney. If you already have a business lawyer or a lawyer who drew up your Will, you may want to ask his/her for a recommendation. Your local bar association might also have names of attorneys who do family law work. Some lawyers are certified in specific areas or are members of a particular Bar Association's practice area (for example, "Family Law"). Take advantage of lawyers who provide a consultation at a low fee or for free and you might find one that meets your criteria.
When you meet with the attorney you should be told briefly how the laws in your state work and what that will mean for your own case. Can the attorney tell you if your court system is backlogged or whether there are specific judges assigned to handle family law matters? If so, this might give you insight to how quickly your case will be decided. A lawyer who knows the judges and their individual biases and personalities may also give you some insight to get ahead of the game. For example, some judges may have a bias against spouses who have extramarital affairs and may perceive the other spouse as a victim automatically awarding him/her custody or more property. A savvy attorney who has been around may be able to maneuver around issues more than someone new to the field or area.
During the first consultation, the lawyer should explain his/her fees. Does she require a retainer (a common practice) or does he bill monthly? Whatever the arrangement, determine the details now and make sure they are included in the fee agreement.
Look at legal styles. There are many different legal styles as there are attorneys. Some attorneys are tough and aggressive and give you an immediate feeling of confidence or dislike, depending on your perspective. Others seem too nice or soft-spoken. You need to choose a legal style that makes you comfortable and empowered and is on your wavelength.
After you have decided who will represent you, a reputable lawyer will send you his or his written fee agreement and give you time to ask questions and sign it. If a lawyer demands that you retain him/her without giving you a chance to think it over, look for another lawyer.
The upshot is you should retain counsel that shares your goals and will work well with your personality.
This blog is provided for general purposes only. You are cautioned not to attempt to solve your individual legal problems upon the basis of the information contained herein because slight changes in factual situations and laws may require a material variance in the applicable advice.
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